Untitled by David Brown

Can you imagine even living in my state of mind

Where day to day stress should have left me blind

But I aint blind

No one can pull wool over ma eyes

All day I’m lettin’ out sighs

Lettin go of all my highs

Like when I’d OD on the prescription pills

Felt like I could climb all the hills

But they’ll never let me into heaven

Maybe they would have when I was seven

But since then its been shit

To ciggerettes I want lit

How about weed

Will that encourage me to take the lead

In my life

And make decisions

And create visions

Of a better future

Caffeiene excited my mind

To the point where I race

My thoughts like its a chase

But I hate the chase

I’d rather choke myself with a lace

Or slash myself in the face

And I’m not acting with haste

I want to do as I please

Like all people do with ease

But I’ll never get into E’s

I’d end up down on my kness

Riddled with flees

Why do I struggle with facebook

Like I’m a freak with a hook

I aint even a crook

I aint get a second look

Or give myself time for a book

But I do care about my look

I wana work with my rhymes

So I’ll have cash for fines

And they’ll be no more whines

I’ll feel complete

And worthy

But I aint never felt worthy

Its like I’m different

Like I aint heaven sent

Or heaven bound

I’m a go into the ground

Will I suffer like a hound

Till I can’t make a sound

I would always cry for help

I would always wana be found

But enuf of that crap

Wakin in the am tough to not go back for a nap

Alice wants to sit on my lap

I’ve been called weird

I don’t walk the streets in a beard

I don’t even wana be feared

I’m better then alot

Its just I don’t have the lot

Or speak my mind

Or friends I’d find

Its like a clock I gotta wind

And keep ticking

That’s enuf for now

I feel full like a cow

But how?!

I’m told I aint fat

I wana be slim like my cat

Friends I gotta find

So the shit don’t play on my mind

Do people ignore that I’m kind

Or don’t know I exist?

So I gotta write a list

Of people I want to make impression with my fist

But I gotta chill

And not go in for the kill

 

Just make my life a thrill

Or bearable

Perhaps even shareable

Have you ever wondered what it is like for those who are abused? by Geeta Sarin (vice chair of BIG)

 

They give you false promises, they tell you a lie
‘Listen to me’ they say, ‘I’ll help you get by’
They tell you it’s fine and assure you it’s okay
But little do they realise this isn’t a right way

You’re lost and confused, feel helpless and used
You don’t know where to look just experience abuse
You say it’s not real and they’ll be no more pain
But little do you know it will soon happen again

You distract your thoughts and shut down your mind
You leave everything and anything happening behind
Maybe it’s a punishment for when I did bad
But do I really deserve to be so sad

Guilty and ashamed is all you feel
Maybe I led him or provoked this deal
Confused and baffled are thoughts in your head
Was it something I did or something I said?

You long for it to end, put your hand up and say ‘no’
But did he ever listen he has the right to do so
The dirt and the shame lie close to your heart
But you still convince yourself you are apart

Scared and lonely are beliefs with you
Hopeless and worthless are thoughts you see through
You ask yourself why does this happen to me?
You sit and wonder, so let it be

Your image of yourself changes along the way
Fat, dirty and ugly you feel as you lay
Would anyone touch me if I was thin?
Do they know they are committing a sin?

Who gave him the right to touch my body?
It was clean and happy now it’s all dodgy
I feel totally hurt and fed up of you
You must be sick to do what you do.

 

Help Me By Maddie Curnow (from Dawn Curnow)

 

I know I have bipolar but I just cant see

I lie to my mom and say I see

Everything

Its very hard for you and its very hard for me

Lets get together an build a family

No more school no more work

I lied all the these times I’m such a jerk

I cant wait to get out of this bipolar jail

When scientists find the lock to my cell

 

That might not happen but I have my hopes

I feel like I’m always tied up in ropes

I’m stuck in a spot where I cant get out

I’m trying my hardest to get my loudest shout

Scream to the world to help me out

No one found the magic spell

I have bipolar I just cant see

Jesus please help me

Untitled 2 by Deborah Blake

 

I’m on edge today
Bad thoughts won’t go away
I try to ignore the anger
Brewing inside…
I’m reaching out-
In whom can I confide?
These feelings of desperation
of unleashed fury and despair
NO! it’s not fair…
But I’m trying hard to be “above it”
This IS who I am, HATE IT OR LOVE IT
These invisible chains are
weighing heavily
Why can’t the past, be just that?
A distant memory
Why am I my own worst enemy?
Can’t I be a friend to ME?
I hate feeling outta control,
It’s torture for my soul
The truth?
Yeah, I know…
Only I have the power to let everything GO

http://about.me/deborah.blake

Untitled 1 by Deborah Blake

NEVER GIVE UP
NEVER LOOK BACK
TOOK THE WRONG ROAD
BUT I’LL GET BACK ON TRACK
I’M TRYING HARD
BUT SOMETIMES I FAIL

IT HURTS SO MUCH
THIS PAIN INSIDE
THIS MISERY
I WANT TO HIDE
I’LL LOCK MYSELF AWAY
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS
SPARE YOU THE PAIN
OF SEEING MY TEARS

I WANT IT BAD
THE RAZOR BLADE
SO SHARP, SO SLICK
AGAINST MY SKIN
THE DEEPEST RED
MY BLOOD WILL FLOW
IT’S ALL THE PAIN
I JUST CAN’T LET GO

http://about.me/deborah.blake

All Alone by Kayley Cline (from Amy Cline)

 

Sometimes i laugh,
sometimes i cry,
sometimes i want to live
and sometimes i want to die.

Horror is all i see,
dwelling deep inside of me.
Am i different, i want to know.
Its as if my soul has been sold.
Where do i go from here i shall wonder,
as if theres a black storm full of thunder.
Hell is the place it seems as i belong,
feels like my soul has been sold to the wrong.
I wrap my arms around my legs,
wishing i could just make it pass.
Why is it my life is not moving fast?
Now it wont slow down,
wishing i couldnt hear the sounds
i want to scream
i want to run.
Its as if disaster has just begun.
I cover my eyes.
I feel out of place,
its as if im one big disgrace.
Im feeling lonely in a world full of coal
im crying out my eyes starting to get cold.
The storm has passed but still no where to call home.
Im in this world, just me all alone.

 

(kayley cline age 12- now 17- bipolar, 1 mixed episode)

 

Poetry Submissions

This is Bury Involvement Group’s poetry blog where service users and non service users can submit poems based on their experiences with mental health issues, problems, illnesses, addictions, hope, despair and recovery. We are looking forward to hearing from you all. We are hoping to get enough on the blog to be able to gather them together into a poetry anthology. So if you want to see your poems in print get writing and send them to buryinvolvementgrouppoetry@yahoo.com

Geeta and Martin